real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
