My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
