I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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