You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
she smelled like a LAN party
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
