So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
