woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
