so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
i've created a new STD.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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