K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
