Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
