At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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