the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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