Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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