She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize