Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
