Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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