i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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