I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
