how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
