Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
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