bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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