At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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