put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
