Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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