I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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