Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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