you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
my liver is dry heaving
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
