Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
