guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize