Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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