So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
