Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
