He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
