Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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