i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
