People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
