Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
