y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
