You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
