There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
