There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
