and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
And then the night went full on bisexual.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
