it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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