i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Just high enough for therapy.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
