Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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