I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I am midnight drunk by noon
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
you're hired as official boob wrangler
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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