I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
