can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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