Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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