her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
