Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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