Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
