eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
