I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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