Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
