Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
