Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
