The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
now i know why i became what i already was.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
