I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
