If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
