I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
