I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I deserve this hangover.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
