insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
