hotel room ftw
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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