wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
