So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
