i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize