better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
