Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
