tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
