Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
