There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
