why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
