I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize