Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
