In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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