end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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