Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
