We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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