I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
tequila makes me forget i have legs
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
