Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
