Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
