sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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