I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
