I think my fart just growled at me.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
