I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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